I arrived at Slimmons aerobic studio in Beverly Hills an hour before the class started to find an orange traffic cone in front with a sign on it stating, “Parking for Richard Only.” The studio is frozen in a 1980’s time capsule of green and pink pastel colored walls, fake marble columns, white icicle Christmas lights, mirrors, and a disco ball in the center.

I paid my $12 class fee, signed my liability release form, and bought a “Richard Simmons Kicked My Butt” t-shirt. I sat on the hardwood floor doing some pre-workout stretching and observing the eclectic clientele all waiting for the arrival of Richard Simmons, the 1980’s fitness icon.

His loud and sudden arrival was a bit startling, but the lasting memory was the smell. Flamboyant, and bathed in flowery “grandma perfume,” Richard entered his studio hugging and kissing everyone… me included.

I claimed my exercise real estate in the back corner next to a lady that looked like Maria Conchita Alonso’s less-attractive sister. In front of me was a fairly small-framed lady with so much junk in the trunk that she needed to rent a storage unit. She was doing her bend-over stretches a little too close for comfort. On the other side of me was a young lady in purple tights, pink knee-high argyle socks, and “Princess” written across the back of her short shorts.

After turning down the music, Richard, who was dressed in a ripped red bedazzled “Sweatin’ to the Oldies” tank top, a pearl bracelet, and his trademark Dolphin shorts, yelled into the microphone, “Okay, I’m feelin’ it today! You bitches are gonna get your $12 worth!”
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It was like joining the Marines and getting Liberace as your Drill Instructor.
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He cranked up the dance mix of “Greatest Love of All” which made Whitney sound like a chipmunk and we all started rapidly moving body parts in sync.

The class was a perpetual-motion tough-love lesson, with a side of comedy and creepiness. He’d call us “Bitches and Bastards”, and then say, “I love you” and “I believe in you.” It was like joining the Marines and getting Liberace for your Drill Instructor.

“High kicks, touch your tits!” Richard screamed into the microphone. “You’re moving
like you’re in a coffin. Are you girls on your period?”

At one point, Richard had everyone form a big circle and he selected a few people to do an aerobic spotlight-style stroll with him. I was lucky enough to be one of the few, the proud, the chosen, so off I went into the center of the room, shadow boxing and sashaying in front of everyone holding Richard’s hand to the blaring dance mix of Bryan Adams’ song “Summer of ’69.”

We then did some weight exercises with dumbbells, crunches, and push-ups on the mats. We finished with some stretching and Richard adviced us to bend our backs and straighten them out.
“Bend it like Peckum,“ he said.
“It’s Beckham,“ someone yelled back.
Richard jokingly shot back, “I’m an icon, but I can’t get everything right!”
The class ended with Richard telling us about his recent acquisition of some limited edition Barbie dolls, and the conversation that he had with the customer service representative that he ordered them from. The class then sang Happy Birthday to one of the regulars who had lost 70 pounds and kept it off.
Richard‘s final words to the class were, “Work out for an hour a day, and eat a salad!”
On the drive home I reflected on the experience. My t-shirt was wet with sweat, and I had to laugh as I sneezed several times, still trying to get Richard’s “grandma perfume” out of my nose.
If you’d like to workout with Richard you can get more information and the class schedule by calling (310) 275-4663.